We got guys who can score. We got a Sasquatch. Here's the plan. Huddle up. Guys who can score? Get out there and score. Todd, we can solve our problem with one five minute major. Just slam Marian Gaborik into the boards, put him in the hospital, the series is ours. To recap: you guys who can score, score. Todd, hospital. Dan, just keep doing what you're doing. Jovo, no changing the plan. Got it?
Friday, April 18, 2003
Friday, April 11, 2003
Dunno where this came from... realitycek found it. It explains a LOT.
NHL Refereeing 101
Somebody wasn't paying attention during refereeing school. Detroit's Chris Chelios marvels at the gall of an official who dared to penalize the Wings during their playoff series against the Canucks.
The scene is a classroom where a group of young men sit clad in striped sweaters. The teacher, an older gent with curiously immobile hair, stands in front of his desk. On the blackboard are the words "NHL Refereeing 101."
The teacher speaks.
"Good point there, Thompson. I prefer a gel for a firm hold but some of you might look into a mousse or a hair spray. Any other questions?"
For a moment there is silence as the students look at each other. Then an arm is slowly raised and a timid voice is heard.
"There's just one thing, sir," the youngster begins. "I think I understand hooking, holding and the other penalties. But I was a little confused over that formula you were talking about. Do you mind
going over it again?"
The teacher rolls his eyes. He fixes the young man with a cold stare, starts to say something, then changes his mind.
"OK, Hunter, for you I'll go over it again," he says. "In the first half of the game, you call everything by the book. A hook is a hook. Interference is interference. Got it?"
Twenty heads nod in unison.
The teacher continues: "That's unless a team is up by two goals. In that case the next call goes against the team that is leading, and the team that's trailing pretty much has to commit a capital offence to get a penalty. You can, of course, use your judgment on that one."
He pauses. Fewer heads nod this time.
"Now, that all changes if you've just called two or three penalties on the same team. When that happens, those guys get the license to kill and the next power play goes against the other guys."
Another hand is raised. A new voice is heard.
"But what if the team that just took the three straight penalties is also ahead by two goals?"
The teacher stares again. There is another uncomfortable pause.
"I wish you guys would pay attention," he finally says. "Three straight penalties and a two-goal lead is a wash so you go back to calling it by the book. For at least five minutes. Then the next call goes against two-goals. How much simpler can it be?"
The question is met by silence. The sound of a solitary cricket is heard in the background.
"Let's move on to the third period," the teacher says. "The third period is a little different but if you follow the formula, you won't have any problems. For example, if the score is tied you're home free. I mean, Ray Charles could referee because there are no penalties unless a corpse can be produced. Same with overtime. I love overtime."
The teacher then stares off dreamily into space. After a time he speaks again.
"Now, what you have to remember is that thing about a team with a two-goal lead in the first half of the game applies to a team with a one-goal lead in the third period. I've got this rhyme that helps me remember that one: 'Goal up in the third/Means it your turn.' OK, it doesn't rhyme but it's catchy, isn't it?"
The sound of nervous laughter drowns out the cricket.
"But here's the tricky part," the teacher continues. "If a team is up two goals in the third period, then the other guys automatically get a five-on-three for at least 45 seconds. Remember that. The only exception there is Detroit. We'll cover Detroit in another lecture. They'll take some time."
The teacher moves back behind his desk, looks up at the clock, then closes the books on his desk.
"Well, that's it for today. I want you to review Chapter 12 on league directives. We're going to get into some history there -- the obstruction controversy of the early '90s, the man in the crease debate from the late '90s. If we've got time we'll get into goalie interference."
"Oh, there's one other thing. Remember when I said it will take some time to explain Detroit? The same thing applies to Colorado. What can I tell you? Sometimes the rules change."
NHL Refereeing 101
Somebody wasn't paying attention during refereeing school. Detroit's Chris Chelios marvels at the gall of an official who dared to penalize the Wings during their playoff series against the Canucks.
The scene is a classroom where a group of young men sit clad in striped sweaters. The teacher, an older gent with curiously immobile hair, stands in front of his desk. On the blackboard are the words "NHL Refereeing 101."
The teacher speaks.
"Good point there, Thompson. I prefer a gel for a firm hold but some of you might look into a mousse or a hair spray. Any other questions?"
For a moment there is silence as the students look at each other. Then an arm is slowly raised and a timid voice is heard.
"There's just one thing, sir," the youngster begins. "I think I understand hooking, holding and the other penalties. But I was a little confused over that formula you were talking about. Do you mind
going over it again?"
The teacher rolls his eyes. He fixes the young man with a cold stare, starts to say something, then changes his mind.
"OK, Hunter, for you I'll go over it again," he says. "In the first half of the game, you call everything by the book. A hook is a hook. Interference is interference. Got it?"
Twenty heads nod in unison.
The teacher continues: "That's unless a team is up by two goals. In that case the next call goes against the team that is leading, and the team that's trailing pretty much has to commit a capital offence to get a penalty. You can, of course, use your judgment on that one."
He pauses. Fewer heads nod this time.
"Now, that all changes if you've just called two or three penalties on the same team. When that happens, those guys get the license to kill and the next power play goes against the other guys."
Another hand is raised. A new voice is heard.
"But what if the team that just took the three straight penalties is also ahead by two goals?"
The teacher stares again. There is another uncomfortable pause.
"I wish you guys would pay attention," he finally says. "Three straight penalties and a two-goal lead is a wash so you go back to calling it by the book. For at least five minutes. Then the next call goes against two-goals. How much simpler can it be?"
The question is met by silence. The sound of a solitary cricket is heard in the background.
"Let's move on to the third period," the teacher says. "The third period is a little different but if you follow the formula, you won't have any problems. For example, if the score is tied you're home free. I mean, Ray Charles could referee because there are no penalties unless a corpse can be produced. Same with overtime. I love overtime."
The teacher then stares off dreamily into space. After a time he speaks again.
"Now, what you have to remember is that thing about a team with a two-goal lead in the first half of the game applies to a team with a one-goal lead in the third period. I've got this rhyme that helps me remember that one: 'Goal up in the third/Means it your turn.' OK, it doesn't rhyme but it's catchy, isn't it?"
The sound of nervous laughter drowns out the cricket.
"But here's the tricky part," the teacher continues. "If a team is up two goals in the third period, then the other guys automatically get a five-on-three for at least 45 seconds. Remember that. The only exception there is Detroit. We'll cover Detroit in another lecture. They'll take some time."
The teacher moves back behind his desk, looks up at the clock, then closes the books on his desk.
"Well, that's it for today. I want you to review Chapter 12 on league directives. We're going to get into some history there -- the obstruction controversy of the early '90s, the man in the crease debate from the late '90s. If we've got time we'll get into goalie interference."
"Oh, there's one other thing. Remember when I said it will take some time to explain Detroit? The same thing applies to Colorado. What can I tell you? Sometimes the rules change."
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